Comparative translation analysis of Donald Davie's poem "A Winter Talent"

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COMPARATIVE TRANSLATION ANALYSIS OF DONALD DAVIE'S POEM “A WINTER TALENT”

The proposed article is devoted to comparative translation analysis of the poem “A Winter Talent” written by a contemporary English poet Donald Alfred Davie. Donald Davie was one of the distinguished representatives of the literary trend “The Movement”. In fact its influence is felt in the poem which is characterized by a smooth rhythm and restrained ironic tone. As the authors of the article had failed to find Ukrainian and Russian versions of the above-mentioned poem performed by professional translators they proposed to translate it to the students of the Philology Department of Volodymyr Dahl East Ukraine National University. Future translators and interpreters are delivered lectures and they attend seminars in “Modern English and American Literature”. The research work can claim to the status of innovatory as the authors present and analyze the translations of the piece of poetry which has never been translated into Russian or Ukrainian before. The authors of the article have analyzed fifteen translation versions. However, not all of them turned out to be perfect. Only a few students coped with the task and succeeded in solving the problem to preserve the balance between the richness of images and concise form, its rhythm and rhyme, to express the message of the poem, and to make it equivalent to the original poem according to its conceptual and aesthetic information. The most successful translations of Donald Davie's poem “A Winter Talent” are given in the article.

Key words: comparative translation analysis, the Ukrainian and Russian versions, rhythm and rhyme, future translators and interpreters, successful translation.

Барилко С.М., Барилко Є.О. Порівняльний аналіз перекладів вірша Дональда Дейві „Зимовий дар”

Пропонована стаття присвячена порівняльному аналізу перекладів вірша „Зимовий дар” сучасного англійського поета Дональда Альфреда Дейві, одного із видатних представників літературної течії,,Рух”, вплив якої відчувається у вірші, йому притаманні спокійний ритм та стриманий іронічний тон. Оскільки авторам статті не вдалося знайти перекладів вищезазначеного вірша, зроблених професійними перекладачами українською та російською мовами, вони надають для аналізу перекладацькі версії цього вірша, виконані на заняттях з дисципліни „Сучасна література Англії та США” майбутніми перекладачами, студентами спеціальності,,Переклад” філологічного факультету Східноукраїнського національного університету імені Володимира Даля. Дослідження має інноваційний характер, вперше надаються й аналізуються перекладацькі версії поетичного твору, що до цього часу не перекладали російською та українською мовами. Авторами проаналізовано п'ятнадцять перекладів. Однак, не всі представлені переклади є вдалими. Лише декілька студентів впоралися із завданням, їм вдалося вирішити проблему - зберегти баланс між різноманітністю образів та чіткою формою вірша, передати головну думку поетичного твору, його концепцію, зберегти ритм та риму та передати красоту оригіналу. Найбільш вдалі переклади вірша Дональда Дейві «Зимовий дар» надаються у статті.

Ключові слова: порівняльний аналіз перекладів, українські та російські версії, рима та ритм, майбутні перекладачі, вдалий переклад.

Барилко С.Н., Барилко Е.А. Сравнительный анализ переводов стихотворения Дональда Дейви,,Зимний дар”

Предлагаемая статья посвящена сравнительному анализу переводов стихотворения „Зимний дар” современного английского поэта Дональда Альфреда Дейви, одного из выдающихся представителей литературного течения „Движение”, влияние которого ощущается в стихотворении, ему присущи спокойный ритм и сдержанный иронический тон. Поскольку авторам статьи не удалось найти переводы стихотворения, выполненные профессиональными переводчиками на украинский и русский языки, они предлагают для анализа переводческие версии этого стихотворения, выполненные на занятиях по дисциплине „Современная литература Англии и США” будущими переводчиками, студентами филологического факультета Восточноукраинского национального университета имени Владимира Даля. Исследование имеет инновационный характер, впервые представлены и проанализированы переводческие версии поетического произведения, которое до настоящего времени ещё не переводили на русский и украинский языки. Авторами проанализировано пятнадцать переводов. Однако, не все они оказались достойными, немногим студентам удалось справиться с заданием и успешно решить проблему - сохранить баланс между разнообразием образов и ясностью формы, передать основную мысль произведения, его концепцию, сохранить ритм и рифму, а также сберечь красоту оригинала. Самые удачные переводы стихотворения Дональда Дейви ,,Зимний дар” представлены в статье.

Ключевые слова: сравнительный анализ переводов, украинские и русские версии, рифма и ритм, будущие переводчики, успешный перевод.

British poetry since 1945 has been in the midst of a kaleidoscopic renaissance. Among the general public, interest in poetry is extremely high. Virtually poets themselves struggle to make sense of the flood of poetry.

Our article is devoted to the remarkable figure in Modern English literature Donald Alfred Davie. No doubt his contribution to English literature is really significant. Donald Davie became popular with the English-speaking readers as an amazing poet, a wise critic, a gifted translator and one of the brightest representatives of “The Movement”, the literary trend which presented the world with the group of wonderful poets including Philip Larkin, Kingsley Amis, Thom Gunn, John Wain and certainly Donald Davie. “The Movement” appeared in the second half of the XX century and it has the followers even nowadays.

The analysis of the latest researchers and publications concerning the literary activity of the above-mentioned poets in particular Donald Davie testifies that many British scholars devoted their scientific works to “The Movement”. They were Robert Conquest, Michael Schmidt, Barry Alpert, Michael Grant, Donald Greene, Augustine Martin, Seamus Heaney, Mark Jarman. All these scientists consider Donald Alfred Davie to have been the clearest and most insistent voice of “the Movement” and who throughout his career attempted to support the so-called manifesto of “the Movement” to keep the English language “crisp, supple, and responsible” [1, p. 278].

It goes without saying that Donald Davie was acknowledged as the distinguished poet in Great Britain while his reputation in the United States of America was also very high. Alongside with the two awards in Britain (a Guggenheim Fellowship and an honorary fellowship at St. Catharine's College, Cambridge) D. Davie had a fellowship in the American Academy of Arts and Sciences.

However, D. Davie's poetic activity has never received a serious study from the point of its translatability. In the process of our research we faced with the problem that none of the professional translators turned out to have translated D. Davie's works either into Russian or Ukrainian. To solve the problem we had to seek help from the students of the Philology Department of Volodymyr Dahl East Ukraine National University. Therefore our research work can claim to the status of innovatory as we are going to present you with the translations of the pieces of poetry which have never been translated into Russian or Ukrainian before.

Thus the aim of the given paper is to make a comparative translation analysis of D. Davie's poem “AWinter Talent”.

As a matter of fact “A Winter Talent” is a central and principle piece of poetry in D. Davie's book “A Winter Talent and Other Poems” (1957) that is obvious from its title [2]. Major peculiarities of this cycle are considered to be clear reflection of the style of “the Movement” poem and expression of the sense of place. The influence of “the Movement” style was generally expressed in the smooth rhythm and restrained ironic tone of the poem [3]. Taking into consideration reserved and manifest manner of typical “the Movement” poem we should emphasize that in “A Winter Talent” D. Davie makes a deliberate attempt to depict the richness of the sensuous world using a row of stylistic devices and expressive means such as epithets an unreflecting brightness, the dry detritus of an August hill, dangerous glory. Thereby the author expresses his attraction to sensuous nature comparing its beauty and greatness to the talent of a gifted artist. However, in the best traditions of “the Movement” poetry, he touches the other possible variant of depicting an artist which stands for the lack of talent in him.

As for the sense of place in the poem, it is not as vigor as can be noticed in some later poetry of the aforementioned cycle. However we can still notice the reference to the hills of Tuscany which were often described in the group of poems named “Italy”.

Regardless a hint of uncertainty and hesitation in the author's meditation concerning predestination of an artist and the ways of developing and expressing his gift, at the end of the poem D. Davie delivers his manifest message to a reader which exhorts to discard any apprehensions and create sharing the light of the talent even in a gloom.

Although Donald Davie is known for his dislike and ardent criticism of obscurity and incomprehensiveness in poetry, as it turned out his own works may also remain inexplicit for translators.

Thus in the translation of “A Winter Talent” made into Ukrainian by Alyona Pronina there is an evident difference in the final message of the poem. Originally the last quatrain represents some hesitation but in the conclusion light of hope and confidence in predestination of an artist:

What though less sunny spirits never turn

Upon that gloom where all have felt a chill [4, p. 112].

However the translator delivers the opposite, more pessimistic message in her version of the last quatrain:

Зневірений, чи зможе чоловік

У крижаному мороці страху замерзати. (A. Pronina) [5, p. 17].

Another attempt to translate the poem into Ukrainian was made by Valeriya Semizhonova, however, we cannot call it successful either. Although it is closer to the original poem semantically, it does not correspond to its rhythmic structure and has a form of a blank verse. The translator adds an extra line at the end of the poem trying to preserve the meaning neglecting the original rhythm and size. Owing to it her work can be perceived as an independent piece of poetry rather than a successful translation.

Що з того, що менш сонячна душа Ніколи не спрямує ті старі уламки До марнославства? Чи не краще У темряві, як і колись, горіти,

В той час як інших там охопить прохолода. (V. Semizhonova) [5, p. 18].

D. Davie's poetry is characterized by peculiar capacity that is each line, brief in its form, contains a bundle of images which turns out to be a serious problem for translators whose target language is of synthetic character, like Russian and Ukrainian in particular. Therefore, it is quite a task to succeed in preserving the balance between the richness of images and concise form. Some translators enlarged the capacity either by adding extra lines or by making the existing lines longer, some decided to give priority to form and thus omitted certain images in order to keep to the length of the lines.

In our opinion the translation performed by M. Sokolova is more successful as the student managed to combine two things together: firstly, to preserve balance between laconism of the form and figurativeness of the original idea, and secondly, to show the beauty and melodiousness of the Ukrainian language.

Зимовий дар Запалюючи вогнище вночі Спалахую і сам, немов вугілля.

Немов дорогоцінні камінці

Тоді, коли всі інші замерзають. (M. Sokolova) [5, c. 18 - 19].

Proceeding to the Russian versions of the poem “A Winter Talent” we should start with the translation presented by Alina Chernoborodyuk. We suppose that her translation differs from the original poem both in the linguistic form and the content. In the second quatrain of her translation we can see an evident divergence from the original text. Initially the author states the ability of some `bright talents' to create without help of extraneous help: Some quick bright talents can dispense with coals And burn their boats continually, command An unreflecting brightness that unrolls Our of whatever firings come to hand [2, p. 112].

The student suggests her variant of translation which states that some artists create practically without a talent, without a `spark' using only their intelligence:

translation poem davie

Даря всем вокруг огни. (A. Chernoborodyuk) [5, p. 19 - 20].

Here it is apropos to present another variant of translation of the same quatrain performed by Maria Tkachenko who coped better preserving the message of the author:

Есть таланты большие и не нужен им уголь,

Из любого пожарища ее раздуют. (M. Tkachenko) [5, p. 19].

However, it is worth mentioning that the first example may be considered as a poetic translation proper as it is more melodic and better rhymed than the second one which is closer to the rhymed translation. Each of the suggested variants has a right to exist according to the purpose of translation and personal preferences of the renderer.

As a golden mean between abovementioned ways of translation we want to present you with the variant performed by Darya Klimova. Her version of translation is close to the original text and preserves the vivid image of the boat as a figurative equivalent to a talent of an artist. However the Russian text can be considered as an example of the rhymed translation as it is expressive and melodious.

Так и таланты яркие всегда Тепло свое вокруг всем отдают,

Ведь знают, что тепла им не вернуть. (D. Klimova) [5, p. 16 - 17].

Special attention should be paid to the translation of the poem's title “A Winter Talent”. Regardless remarkable difference in approaches to their translations almost all the interpreters were unanimous in the choice of the name “Зимний дар” in Russian or “Зимовий дар” in Ukrainian. It is quite an interesting fact that practically none of them set his choice on the most obvious variant of translation the word `talent' - `талант' choosing more figurative and comprehensive word `дар'.

On the whole, the abovementioned translators managed to complete their tasks. The versions we have analyzed contain different variants of solving the problem, however, none of them can be called perfect. The ways chosen differed, the message of the poem - meditations concerning predestination of an artist and the ways of developing and expressing his gift is rendered fully and vividly more or less successfully. Among fifteen translation versions which were presented for our analysis by the students, future translators and interpreters, of the Philology Department of Volodymyr Dahl East Ukrainian National University there were several that failed in solving the problem of successful translation.

However, there is an example of the Russian translation under review which cannot be left without our attention. It was presented by the third-year student Alena Bovt:

Пламя дарования

Чем жить с душой, в которой только лед. (A. Bovt) [5, p. 16].

We are of the opinion that the aforementioned poem is the most successful translation of the original poem “A Winter Talent”. This version may be considered as an individual poetic text created in the target language. Nevertheless, it preserves the message of the author and is equivalent to the original poem according to its conceptual and aesthetic information, but at the same time uses completely different language. It is a vivid example of translation creative work aimed to erase borders between the original and translation poetic texts sacrificing the precision of translation to some extent.

In future we are aimed to continue investigating Donald Davie's literary activity and involve the students, future translators and interpreters, of the Philology Department of Volodymyr Dahl East Ukrainian National University in translation of his both poetic and prosaic works.

References

1. The Movement reconsidered: essays on Larkin, Amis, Gunn, Davie, and their contemporaries / [edited by Zachary Leader]. - N.Y.: Oxford University Press Inc., 2009. - 336 p.

2. Davie D. A Winter Talent and Other Poems / Donald Davie. - London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1957. - 168 p.

3. The Relationship between Syntax and Music in Some Modern Poems in English in Poetics: Part 1. [edited by Donald Davie]. - The Hague: Mouton, 1961. - P. 203 - 214.

4. Scmidt M. Eleven British Poets: an anthology / Scmidt Michael. - Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1982. - 230 p.

5. Творчість молоді - наша гордість: збірка перекладів за матер. ІІІ студентського конкурсу художнього перекладу. - Луганськ: Вид-во Східноукраїнського нац. ун-ту імені Володимира Даля, 2011. - 60 с.

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