A non-dialogic relation to the other: regression or opposition to dialogicity

The I does not feel the build-up of its life possibilities in relation to the Other. The I experiences a shortage of own activity in joint activities and experiences restraint in self-expression “under the eye” of the Other. The I does not feel trust in itself, the sustainability of its intentions and progressive productivity in relation to the Other. The I avoids insights into the “unknown in self,” which emerges in the interaction with the Other. The I does not identify with the Other and loses or does not gain the experience of “We.” The I is not capable of strengthening itself, self-affirmation in the presence and in the interaction with the Other. The I cannot grasp the “possible self,” create an image of the “ideal self,” make a “draft of the I” in the context of its relationship with the Other. The I experiences a “withdrawal,” the loss of self when the I reacts to the Other. The I ignores the images of “itself” in relation to the Other, which exist in the minds of others. The I attributes achievements and failures in the interaction with the Other only to itself. The I does not feel own changes in the dynamics of relations with the Other. The I does not understand the Other's place in its life and experiences a strong “loneliness together.”

These non-dialogical tendencies can become a subject of reflexive problematization of self for the I, which leads to positive transformations of an individual's positions in relation to the Other. On the basis of this “selfconfrontation” (Hermans, 2006-2007), non-dialogicity in relation to the Other becomes a condition for the resumption of dialogue with it.

Regression and opposition to dialogue do not exhaust the influence of non- dialogicity on the I-Other relation in the context of the individual life. Sometimes non-dialogic nature can become a condition for the existence of a relationship. For example, in the experience of love situations may arise when, in order to save it, some of the most important moments of dialogicity must be eliminated. Intentions to dialogue paradoxically ruin love or plunge lovers into trouble.

The need to exclude dialogicity in love and the consequences of its “nonexclusion” have a cultural and psychological genesis and are represented in a variety of archetypal and symbolic phenomena. We shall show a few situations, when the characters in a myth should exclude dialogicity, but do not do it.

“Eliminate the view of the Other.” The phenomenon of Orpheus who violated the prohibition to look at his Beloved, which resulted in their death.

“Do not show yourself to the Other.” The phenomenon of Cupid who involuntarily showed himself to his Beloved and subjected her and their love to hard trials.

“Do not reveal the secret of the Other.” The phenomenon of Jocasta who did not escape the discovery that her beloved husband, Oedipus, is her son.

“Do not reveal your secret to the Other.” The phenomenon of Phaedra who did not preserve the truth of her love for Hippolytus and thus destroyed him and herself.

In an individual's attitude to significance the boundary of dialogicity and non-dialogicity may be subtle and permeable. In their change, interaction and domination, conditions for development, conflict or destruction of relations are created. The personality's reflection that captures the dynamics of relations can find creative solutions to enhance their dialogicity based on overcoming or using the hidden resource of non-dialogical tendencies.

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