Сonflicts between people

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Introduction

Many people do not think about consequences before they say something...

There are constant quarrels between boys and girls in my form. As you know quarrels do not help to make relations warmer and better. They make the situation only worse. It is interesting for me to know some psychological aspects about conflicts, reason of their appearing and the ways of avoiding. The aim of my research is to definite what is a conflicts, to find out the ways of its avoiding.

Getting older we began to think a little about what will happen to the human senses, if you will cry at him.

I have often noticed that step by step, my class is divided into groups. So I can say that we are not friendly. Doing my research I want to learn how to be more attentive to each other.

It is necessary to help each other. It makes our life easier, more interesting and exciting. They say that school friendship is forever. So I want we were always friends with each other.

So I have decided to make the situation better in my class. I have learnt much information about conflicts.

And I noticed that conflicts are not only at school, but also in my village between people. There are conflicts within families. These conflicts lead to the fact that people begin to hate each other. Because of conflicts people get angry and on the other hand, we can see that some kind of behavior or actions of man lead to a conflict.

The tasks of my research are:

-to examine the literature on conflict

-to identify the factors affecting the appearance of conflicts

- to analyze the linguistic means we can use to avoid conflicts.

The problem of my research: Is it possible to leave the conflict without any problems.

The subject of this work is the science - confliktology.

The objects of research are conflicts between people.

The hypothesis is:

conflicts can be avoided by carefully treating of each other.

To resolve the conflict - it means finding a solution acceptable to both sides of the conflict.

After analyzing the literature on this topic, I came to the conclusion that we should respect not only our friends and relatives but all people, treat others with kindness and affection, and then you get the same thing from others: kindness, love and understanding.



1. What is a conflict

Everyone has ever asked himself “What is a conflict?” Different people will answer this question in their own way. Some grownups think that it is bad relations between people, teenagers are sure that it is just a quarrel or an argument.

To know exactly I have decided to see this definition in the dictionary. The conflict (from an armor. Conflictus - collision) is a collision of opposite directed tendencies incompatible with each other in consciousness of separately taken individual, in interpersonal interactions or interpersonal relations of individuals or groups of people, connected with sharp negative emotional experiences. Certainly, we have heard much about conflicts but the main problem is how to avoid conflicts. First of all let's speak about their kinds. There are following types of conflicts: intrapersonal, interpersonal and intergroup conflicts. The intrapersonal conflict is a conflict with itself. It means that the person finds any lacks, contradictions in itself which are uncoordinated with the opinions and actions. And the person thinking about it starts to reproach himself in all things and everywhere. He thinks that all his actions are wrong because he has not consulted to others. So the person begins to criticize and scold himself.

Speaking about the interpersonal conflict, I can say that it differs from the intrapersonal. Interpersonal is more serious because two persons participate in it who wants to achieve the same aim, but it can be reached only by one of the conflicting sides.

The next type of a conflict is intergroup. Social groups participate in it. For example, every year elections pass in which some parties participate. Every party, trying to become successful, does any tricks in order to prevent other party. They do it to become the winner of elections. Besides, the intergroup conflict can be in sports. For example, soccer teams, being beaten out forward, become the best, and those who remained behind starts to achieve differently that this soccer team could not participate further. These are those conflicts which can happen to each of us. After all we know that, the conflict is a fear, which concerns at least one side whose interests are broken, restrained and ignored by the other side. As we see any sphere of human life isn't free from conflicts. The conflicts are collisions, serious disagreements. During conflict time the person is disturbed by unpleasant feelings or experiences. But conflicts are ineradicable; they appear under any vital circumstances and accompany us from a birth to the death. After all conflicts is an integral part of our life. We should learn to solve them, to keep friendly relations with people and to protect our own health, both physical, and mental. Therefore don't forget about the following: «Wise looks down on the world, from space position». Here if the person lived the life without conflicts then all its successes in something would be only dream!

1.1 The main categories of conflicts

We have definite the meaning of conflict, now we shall speak about its basic categories. Let's get acquainted with these concepts.

There are four basic categories of conflicts: structure of the conflict, its dynamics, functions and typology.

Let's consider short each of them.

At first there is a structure of the conflict which has some components:

1.Informative components. Mutual perception of features of each of conflicting sides ; mental abilities of processing of the information and decision-making; degree of an inclusiveness of the person in a conflict situation at various stages of its development; level of self-checking of participants of the conflict; experience with people and professional readiness; consciousness, self-understanding and objectivity in an estimation of the possibilities.

2. Emotional components of the conflict represent set of experiences of its participants. opposite conflict emotional

3. Strong-willed components are shown as set of the efforts directed on overcoming of disagreements and other difficulties, the resulting an antagonism of sides and on achievement of the purposes pursued by participants of the conflict.

4. Motivational components of the conflict form its kernel and characterize essence of discrepancy of positions of participants of an antagonism.

Besides, in the subject of the conflict the structure of the conflict is included, concerning the reason of an antagonism. The conflicts subject is characterized by following features.

First, it can be both material, and psychological.

Secondly, it is always significant enough for participants of an antagonism though this importance can be only situational.

Thirdly, from the practical point of view overcoming of considerable difficulties at subject definition in the real conflict justifies usually and is compensated by possibility rather precisely to predict behavior of the contradictory party as the conflict subject is one of the factors defining this behavior.

Following point is dynamics of the conflict which has seven stages of development:

1) a predisposed stage;

2) a stage connected with appearing f an objective conflict situation;

3) an intellectual stage of development;

4) a critical stage of development;

5) recession of intensity in counteraction;

6) comparison of official and informal estimations of behavior;

7) the resolution of conflict or an exit from it by one of the sides.

What are functions of the conflict? There are 2 main functions: destructive and constructive.

Constructive is the conflict when opponents aren't beyond ethical standards, business relations and reasonable arguments. The permission of such conflict leads to development of human relations and group development (according to one of the dialectics laws, asserting that conflict of opposites is a development source).

The destructive conflict appears two cases: when one of the sides persistently insists on his position and doesn't wish to consider interests of other side; when one of opponents address to moral condemned methods of struggle, tries to suppress psychologically the partner, discrediting and humiliating it.

The reasons of constructive conflicts are:

- bad conditions

- lacks of the work organization;

- unevenness of work;

- overtime works;

- omissions in technology

- discrepancy of the rights and duties;

- absence of clearness in distribution of duties, in particular, inefficient, too indistinct or out-of-date duty regulations;

- low level of labor and executive discipline;

- conflict making (i.e. promoting occurrence of conflicts) organizational structures.

The positive permission of the constructive conflict is first of all elimination of lacks, the reasons, resulted to it. As these reasons are objective, reflecting imperfection of the organizations of management their elimination means improvement of the organization.

Destructive conflicts appeared more often by the subjective reasons to wrong actions of the head and subordinates, and also psychological incompatibility of separate people

TYPOLOGY OF CONFLICTS.

The typology of conflicts plays not only methodological, but also a practical role. Now there is a considerable quantity of various typologies and classification of the conflicts reflecting different views and positions of authors. The typology of conflicts in which basis character of an objective situation of the contradiction and understanding of the given situation bythe sides is of interest. Here it is:

1. the original conflict.

2. the casual or conditional conflict.

3. the displaced conflict.

4. incorrectly attributed conflict.

5. the latent conflict.

6. the false conflict.

So, for understanding of essence of conflicts we have two important concepts.

1. A conflict situation are representations of the person about the existing contradiction, about himself (his purposes, possibilities, etc.), about the opponent - its purposes, individual and personal features in concrete conditions, and also about what representation of the opponent about its representations.

2. The conflict is a psychological antagonism of the people having different purposes and interests.

So, the conflict is a collision of opposite directed purposes, interests, positions, opinions or sights of two or several persons. At the center of any conflict is situation including or inconsistent positions of the sides in any occasion, the opposite purposes or means of their achievement, or discrepancy of interests, desires, inclinations of opponents. The conflict gets bigger, when one of the sides starts to act, restraining (even unintentionally) interests of other side.

More often the conflict appears because of a trifle: unsuccessfully told word, insignificant incident - and here is already the conflict. Incident leads to the conflict only in the presence of the contradictions waiting for the decision. Incident can provoke any careless told word, any action.

Growth, "escalation" of conflicts occurs under such scheme:

The interpersonal conflict, the intergroup conflict, all collective conflict.It happens in a way because the participant of the conflict searches for supports of the people, wins supporters to himself. Especially they try to entice on the inside the head. So the initial conflict acquires new, reflecting interests of new participants and the contradiction between them. Thus emotions increase.

Conflicts differ on sphere of their permission - business or personal -emotional. Full resolution of conflict consists of elimination of the objective reasons which have generated it, and in restoration of normal personal relations.

On some facts we have found out that such categories of conflicts which play large role in conflict situations.

1.2 Reasons of appearing of conflicts

They say that definite actions of person, his acts and words lead to conflicts.

In a general sense the conflict reason is the phenomenon which predetermines its appearing. However I want to find the answer to the questions: why the same phenomenon causes the conflict among one persons or social groups and doesn't cause among others; why some people try to become the foreman, a director of the company or the deputy of the State Duma, and another doesn't care anything.

The answer is that fact that for one people this phenomenon acts as requirement, and for others doesn't present. So without requirements conflict doesn't exist.

The person (social group, a society) can objectively feel need in something, but subjective not realize this or that phenomenon as requirement. In this case it doesn't become the conflict reason; either in other words, the unconscious requirement doesn't act as the conflict reason.

So, people can objectively be in great need in any medicine, new type of the power or more progressive organization of manufacture, but if the given requirements aren't found, the conflict doesn't arise because of them even if the medicine or any other objective requirements are scarce.

The reason of conflict is only requirement which acts as an interest. However not any interest is at the reason of the conflict but only which is connected with satisfaction scarce requirements, because of mastering with which arises the contradiction and there is a collision of the sides.

So, the final reason of any social conflict is a contradiction of interests between its subjects: individuals, social groups and societies.

Any conflict is the form of expression of this contradiction of interests.

Thus interests can be rather various: material and ideal, objective and subjective. People enter struggle, both for the capital, and for ideas, as for the statement of public values, and the personal ambitions. Interests can be as illusory, or false, and real, or true. For example, the person can continue to defend any values or ideas which have no real basis in life in struggle against others or have lost the urgency.

Moreover, as historical experiment, shows people can struggle for the statement of mythological ideas and representations, but it is not necessary to forget that attribute of any myth is the belief in the validity or a reality of its maintenance.

More often the conflict appears because of a trifle: unsuccessfully told word, insignificant incident - and here already the conflict. Incident leads to the conflict only in the presence of the contradictions waiting for the decision. Incident can provoke any careless told word, any action.

If you became the participant of the conflict do not do nonsenses. Do not get into negotiations with other participant. Be at your opinion doing not tell it to those who considers that it is wrong. Disagree on provocation of the contender.



2. People's behavior in conflict situations

Each of us, perhaps, had conflict relation with some people, whether they are close people or acquaintances on work. And all of us we behave in such situations differently: one try to avoid the obvious conflict and to leave from the created situation, others show aggressiveness, try to finish the conflict before "boiling point".

... In general the situation represents a condition which has got private character and became defined. G.Gegel

Certainly, each person behaves himself differently. But sometimes it doesn't depend on us, as the person starts to behave improperly in front of others to show him off.

It happens often at our schools at lessons. Here are some situations from one of schools.

The lesson goes as usual. The teacher of art has started an explanation. Suddenly she has heard behind herself a distinct scratch. Looking at the pupils she has defined at once that it has made Sergey, and, without reflecting, has strictly told, that he should stop to creak, differently he will be removed from a lesson. She even doesn't suspect that the failure of her lesson has begun, as it has given in on provocation (couldn't analyses and estimate quickly a conflict situation). The teacher has continued the explanation, but the scratch has renewed. Then the teacher has come to Sergey, took from a school desk his diary and has written down the remark.

So she has made at once two pedagogical mistakes. First of all, if it has considered feature Sergey of this pupil (naughty, impudent, stupid, cowardly) she would understand that it was enough to take a diary enough and to put to itself on a table, thereby to cause at Sergey stimulus to work well at a lesson. He doesn't want any remarks in his diary. The second mistake is a loss of precious time for the teacher on writing of the remark and attraction to the conflict attention of all the pupils.

As the remark has been written down, Sergey began to creak even more loudly, frankly scoffing at the teacher. Hardly restraining, she began to shout that will remove him from the lesson. It is the next mistake of the young teacher (she doesn't leave the conflict, and even more aggravates it). The teacher in this case has put herself in such position when her authority publicly, in the face of children, falls. Such words (“I will remove from a lesson!”) the teacher can say only in that case, when she is sure that the pupil will obey to her requirement, when she possesses the big authority and the power.

Sergey not only doesn't leave a class, and continued to argue with the teacher, then she has closed magazine and has sat down at table. But it doesn't bother neither Sergey, nor a class. The bell has rung out, and with tears in her face of the teacher has entered into a teacher's room where all teachers sympathized with her , listening to her story about the broken lesson.

The geography lesson is the following in this class. The girlfriend of the young teacher, who has worried her story, taught this subject. Being in the excited condition she having forgotten to greet children, begins to do on high-pitch tones to remark Sergey how it is necessary to stand up at a school desk. Sergey, as usual, couldn't keep silent, for the teacher has cried at him finally has expelled from a class. Sergey, having understood nothing, leaves the classroom. The class also has understood nothing and agrees Sergey's position. The pupils do not like their teacher's behavior and were angry with her actions.

The next lesson in this class is a foreign language lesson. Their class teacher teaches this subject. Instead of explaining on the lesson, she begins to speak about a case at art lesson.

Sergey isn't the “difficult pupil”, but as a result of the conflict only with one teacher, spoils relations with other teachers. After this event Sergey has begun to hate the teacher of art.

The main mistake of other teachers is that from solidarity with the colleague they have destroyed good relations which were long created. If this wave of teacher's "solidarity" against Sergey doesn't stop in time, it is rather possible that the teenager quickly becomes objectively “difficult”. So sometimes not the pupil is guilty, the teacher is guiltier.

Here is another example in which the teacher wasn't right. His actions lead to from - for what has a conflict, too.

Elena Grigorevna has been revolted and confused at the same time.

- Volodja, well, how many times should I remind you ? And after all it is your own wish: to take a theme for creative work. After all it you have included it in your curriculum. Now, if work is not presented in time, you won't be certified for 9th class. Excuse, but I must to address for the help to parents.

- Are my parents guilty? They won't write work for me.

- Well, if you cannot organize you're the activity, maybe, the father or mum will help you.

- Parents won't help, only it will be worse. And it is possible for me to transfer terms of delivery of work?

- We have you already spoke on this theme, and once term is already transferred. Where is result?

- And why are you so worried , I write this, and I will have problems?

- No, it is not only your problem, I am responsible for default. And besides under my scientific management you do your creative work. And, besides, I as at the class teacher I have duties.

- Well, does it mean that you worry about yourselves?

- And for myself.

- Well and what a creative work is it if you press for me? Creativity - as you have said is a free activity.

- Well, it's enough! Tomorrow I wait for your parents.

- And if I make this work by Tuesday?

-I can only doubt.

- That's true.

- Well, well. But it exactly last time.

Such cases mean that in the given conflict the contradiction has appeared insufficiently presented for its permission, or the sides don't possess sufficient and corresponding resources.

It is usually considered that the conflict situation has in itself only bad points, it spoils the person, disturbs to education of good qualities. Investigating the conflict phenomena, you find out its dialectic nature, you see also the positive creative qualities promoting formation of the person - strong, basic, ready to self-affirmation, to struggle against the harm, not capable to a petty-bourgeois neutrality, to cowardly silence. Describing mistakes of tutors, leading to the moral conflicts with the child, we will try to show on positive examples as timely overcoming of contradictions in family relations makes the child spiritually rich and proof.

People think that the most diffused age is teenage. It is true.

Situations can be different , therefore such conflicts happen and in families, too.

Situation in families where the parents reject their children is dramatically. The parental love there stops to be something reliable for the child, becomes unsteady, conditional: if you will be «the good boy» - we will love you, you will be bad-we, won't love you. And the child has nothing to lean sincerely, emotionally.

Conflicts in a family appear when parents concern children-teenagers almost as their property, which they are free to dispose how they like. Certainly, in the first years of life the child is weak, defenseless and completely depends on parents. But after 12-15 years the child is already independent person, unripe, not strong, but the person! And parental tactics frequently, doesn't change. So conflicts appear . Sometimes they are heavy conflicts.

Here are the words of Paul Lafarge about K.Marx's mutual relations with daughters: «He never ordered anything to them; if he wanted something from them, he asked them, as about the favor, or persuaded to refuse what was undesirable to him. And, still, it was possible to rare father to achieve the big obedience».

Just so! Not the sharp, categorical order, but an equal, quiet tone; not the order, and the request but the friendly relation to the young person. The valid relation to the teenager, to his opinion and judgments, are required at this age stage.

One more situation! When we see in families where feelings of the child are suppressed by petty guardianship, excessive cruelty of control, mistrust to independence. In such cases the teenager has no possibility to feel to some extent the adult and to confirm himself such in opinion of adults. But it is necessary for him! And then he starts to be rude, there are insults, conflicts, mutual misunderstanding only grows. Sometimes the of such situation is that the teenager, leaves his family, i.e. leaves from under control and influence, becomes the stranger in a family.

External signs of the conflict in a family can and not be seen. However suppression at the teenager feeling of grown up conducts to that he fact when becomes isolated, retires into himself herself or searches for such circle of contacts where his wishes growing up find satisfaction. The paradox consists that in this new circle the teenager becomes often the uncomplaining executor of any orders.

The behavior of people in conflicts can be a different. But sometimes people change so much, that nothing can affect their opinion. So that always remember that you have a opinion, the point of view which you can state … And you should follow your opinion. It is not necessary to accept words which influence badly on you. You have the right to listen to the internal voice.



3. The ways out of conflicts

For appearing of conflict the occasion is needed .So there is an exit from it.

There are people who often have such situations. And they already know some facts and can get out of any situation without problems. But those who has got to a conflict situation for the first time, doesn't know, what to do and to speak.

Usually more often conflicts have teenagers. Especially those who are of awkward age! Then their parents have the big problems with them.

Parents, of course, will take care of that the person of the teenager developed harmoniously: they will form his informative interests, develop abilities, bring up socially valuable qualities, qualities of the collectivist.

«In our country, - wrote A.S.Makarenko, - only that person will be high- educated whose, requirements and desires are requirements and desires of the collectivist». In order teenager has managed to find the place in future life, he should seize all richest practice collective relations: to be able to coordinate his desires and interests with desires and interests of collective, to learn to be glad he general pleasures, to mourn the general grieves, to correlate his activity to overall aims.

It is necessary to approach to each conflict situation, as to an interesting intellectual problem for which decision is necessary to make certain efforts. Certainly, it isn't simple, but the result will justify all expectations.

Certainly, it is difficult, being on peak of emotions, to reflect easy and sensibly. «Oh, this driver has creatively got nasty with me now! » But as we are clever people, we can't inhale and suppress all impulsive reactions deeply. Eventually, it is the next situation where we need to show the creative approach to the decision of conflicts not as usual - with shouts, insults, fights - and quiet, ironic, even indifferent Can you imagine the boor-driver will be surprised when you simply will shrug shoulders will smile.

The major element of creative process of the resolution of conflict is search of pluses. As they say, transform disappointment into joy! The doubtless positive moment of any conflict is an experience of its permission, experience of dialogue with aggressively adjusted people. It is whole school of life! Such experiences always have only advantages!

As an example of the creative permission of a difficult situation the World of Councils will tell about following incident. A certain elderly lady, coming back late at night home with the decent sum of money, has felt that all road is followed by the suspicious man.

Having suppressed a wave of fear, she began to think what she can undertake now. As a result, the lady has turned to the robber and has told: «the Young man, do you understand, I am afraid to be back with home the large sum of money which has borrowed at the girlfriend for very important trip, and one very am afraid to go on these dark streets - whether a little who will attack. Could you go with me to the house? » As a result, the man goes with spent her to apartment near which he admitted that wanted to plunder, but behavior of the woman it has confused and has discouraged. Here an example is of the creative approach.

Besides I can say the following advice to parents:

That your child did not enter conflicts, it is necessary so to build interfamily relations that the child took part in the general family cares and then it becomes closer to you. He will trust you his secrets. And may be, you never will not interfere in conflicts of your child.



Conclusion

None of the spheres of human's life is free of conflicts.

Many words have been said about conflicts, their causes and consequences, but the question does not lose its relevance.

I put an aim and I try to get it. I have examined the conflicts and found their causes.

For each conflict situation should be approached as an interesting intellectual puzzles which solution must be some effort.

Of course, it is not easy, but the result justifies all expectations.

“... In general, the situation represents a state that has acquired the character of an honest and it was definite”.

G. Hegel

Conflicts are indestructible, they appear in all circumstances of life, and accompany us from birth to death.

Conflict is an integral part of our lives. We need to learn to solve them, and keep good relations with the people and protect our own health, both physical and mental. So we should not forget the following: "A wise look at the world from above, from the perspective of space."

I think our communication in the class will improve in a positive way. I hope we will have a great "cool" class to the end of our school study.

I did not finish this work and will continue it.

I will look for new ways out of conflict.

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