Changing Negative Personality Protection to Successful Strategies for Coping with Stress in the Psycholinguistic Aspect

The theoretical and methodological foundations of the research are: A. Adler's concept of neuroses; the theory of frustration - aggression by L. Berkovets, J. Dollar, N. Miller (Berkovets, 1969); E. Berne's theory of transactional analysis (Berne, 1992); theory of information stress V.A. Bodrov; attachment theory by J. Bowlby and M. Ainsworth (Malki- na-Pykh, 2016); delineating the personality of B. Weinhold and J. Weinhold; research of coping strategies in neurotics B. D. Karvasarskyi; the concept of integral neuroprogramming by S. V. Kovalev (Kovalyov, 2016), the cognitive theory of stress by R. S. Lazarus (Lazarus, 1970); studies of the psychology of victim behaviour by I. Malkin-Pykh (Malkina-Pykh, 2016) the concept of stress by G. Selye (Selye, 1992); L. Festinger's theory of cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 2018), B. He- linger's constellation method (Helinger 2013), definition of the concept of "victim" in the work of V.E. Khristenko (Khristenko, 2004); psychotherapy of the essence and the "developing role of neurosis" by C. Jung (Jung, 1997), the theory of early maladaptive schemes by J. Yang (Yang, 2003), and others.

The following empirical methods were also applied: the projective technique by A.S. Romanova and T.I. Sitko "Man in the Rain"; stress diagnostics using color cards by Max Luscher; author's methodology "Diagnostics of personality stress resistance"; method of "transactional analysis" by E. P. Ilyin; method of clinical conversation; method of O. A. Kohut "Way out of S. Karpman's triangle".

The discussion results

Developing the ideas of Eric Berne, his student Stefan B. Karpman showed in 1968 that all the variety of roles that underlie "games that people play can be" reduced to three main ones: Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim (Karpman, 2016). The scientist developed the psychoanalytic direction of the study of unhealthy interactions between people, which is now called "S. Karpman's dramatic triangle". All three roles are interrelated: the Rescuer helps the Victim tyrannized by the Persecutor. Let's consider their hidden mechanisms and schemes. The persecutors can be aggressors, domineering natures and despotic tyrants. They are characterized by a strategy of "all-out war" according to K. Horney, they are guided by the dominant need to "survive", which prompts them to directly demonstrate power, sadistic inclinations, rivalry, and exploit others (Hor- ney, 2019). Eric Berne described them in transactional analysis as authoritarian parents. A cornered child loses contact with his creative source, the spontaneous manifestation of his own impulses, does not feel "involved" in life. The behavior of the Persecutor, as described in the gestalt of integrated psychotherapy by Irwin and Miriam Polster, is based on a protective mechanism of "fusion" or "confluence", it allows building relationships only according to the established rules of one of the interlocutors. If the rules are violated by another interlocutor, then he / she is considered an enemy. The Victims' psyche has its own defence mechanisms that support unhealthy transactional games - "introjection" helps them maintain unhealthy relationships with confluent persons, they sacrifices their interests, impulses for life, trying to avoid conflicts.

Diagnostics of neurotic patients in a psychotherapeutic day patient department using Max Luscher's colour cards showed the following: the presence of stress caused by the inability to maintain relationships in the desired state all the time; tries to match his ideal concepts, ignoring reality; desire to independently control their own destiny; stress caused by frustration and fear of further failure; anxiety and impulsivity caused by emotional dissatisfaction; the presence of psychological conflict and distress, which is a source of anxiety. Having studied their stories deeper during the clinical conversation, we came to the conclusion that all these diagnoses are united by the scenario of a tragic triangle.

Aaron Beck, one of the founders of cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, noted that behind every maladaptive emotion there is a negative belief that prevents a person from perceiving the world more adequately (Aaron T. Beck, 1991). In Victims they are: if I am not at the top, then I am in the pit; if I made a mistake, then I am nothing; it's good to be popular, but it's terrible to be unknown; I cannot live without love, if my loved ones DO NOT love me, then this is terrible; if I don't use every opportunity to get ahead, then I'll have to pay a heavy price; I must be successful in any business; I need to be loved, to be accepted as such, to be admired by everyone and all the time; my value as a person depends on what people think of me; if someone does not agree with me, it means that he does not love me. These beliefs compensate for the true needs and values of a person. The neurotic is NOT aware of the reasons for his anxiety and continues to play games that DO NOT provide him with full emotional satisfaction. A constant source of stress remains UNDETERMINED. Bert Helinger noted that games lead to death, not life (Helinger, 2013).

A neurotic person does not see the real reasons for his acting, at the moment of stress he is forced to change roles, like an actor on stage: now the Victim, then the Persecutor, then the Rescuer. The game can be played by two, for example, in a family or friendly couple; three or more participants, for example, a husband-wife-psychotherapist. Such a game resembles a run in a circle, there are always three main roles, and this is what allows the game to go on forever: Winner, Loser, Filure. It can be recognized by the positions described by E. Berne. The victims may be suicidal; or they may be depressing - consider others better than themselves. The Rescuers consider themselves good and the others bad. The Persecutors take the position of a snob and also consider themselves good and others pagans. Black and white thinking makes it easier for people to orient themselves in relationships with others. But dichotomous positions in a two-dimensional plane do not reflect the essence of human relations and make people unhappy. According to the principle of systems analysis, if they realize that something is repeating in their lives, they have a chance to change their usual roles into more effective ways of interacting with others.

Having become familiar with the patient's communication behaviour, you can determine his scenario. The winner is usually expressed like this: "Now I know how to do it", "Next time I will not miss". The Winner's Scenario is programmed by caring parents. Losers are expressed like this: "If only...", "I would of course...", "Yes, but...". They are often virtuous citizens who harbour destructive scenarios of the intimidated Child. If they get into trouble, they drag everyone around them into it. A script-free person can say, "I did exactly what I wanted".

The neurotic himself is an obstacle encoded in his life script. It is difficult to get rid of it on your own, because each participant receives some benefit from his role. The victims can shift responsibility for their problems onto another people, can revel in self-destruction, a sense of self-pity. The persecutors receive a sense of righteous anger, a sense of their righteousness, a release of tension, aggression. The Rescuer receive a special, perverse pleasure. They seem to be above this couple, and this fact gives them a sense of superiority over others.

Most of the advices of psychologists on their Internet pages refers to the cognitive aspect of a strong-willed personality. The victims needs to realize that in order to satisfy their own desires, people need only themselves; they must learn to take responsibility for themselves, to act without looking back; do not make excuses. The persecutors should stop blaming other people and circumstances for their problems; understand that no one is obliged to conform to their ideas about what is right and wrong; learn to accept others as they are, without changing them, to resolve misunderstandings peacefully, without aggression and anger; stop being affirmed at the expense of those who are weaker. For Rescuers, there are such tips: do not help if no one asks; not to think that you know better how others should live; do not promise rashly; DO NOT expect gratitude and praise; DO NOT assert yourself at the expense of those who complain about life. All these tips are correct, but, unfortunately, as practice shows, they work after we discover and change the mechanisms of personal protection, remove energy blocks, expose negative scenarios and destructive schemes, add resources.

The website of S. Karpman notes the following: to get out of the dramatic triangle, you need to find out the reasons for the game. For this, you need to immerse yourself more deeply in yourself, in the inner world of another person and show compassion, accept the unrecognized positive and negative feelings of the Victim. The outer triangle shows scenarios for social roles. The internal one shows how a person decides to act in a certain way. The exploration of the Victim's position reveals the feelings of the Child in scenes of the family scenario. Analysis of the Rescuer's position shows how people interpret the world and discovers how they defend themselves in situations of stress. We find limiting prohibitions in the Persecutor. The drama turns into a triangle of Empathy.

S. Karpman pays special attention to the study of the communicative behaviour of the roles involved in the triangle. According to the scientist I. A. Sterlin, communicative behaviour includes certain rules and traditions of communication of one or another linguocultural community (Sterlin, 23). Karpman, as a representative of the English-speaking culture, notes that active verbs are more attractive to children because they like movement. They often identify themselves with the Persecutor because their role seems more attractive to them than the role of Victims, who use passive verbs to reflect their indecision. In the communication messages of the Victim, one can hear the manifestation of irresponsibility for their own actions: "The pencil has broken", which must be changed to "I have broken the pencil".

To analyse the situation of a personality's personal drama, psychotherapists analyse the script Matrix using fairy tales. They reveal prohibitions on the part of the Persecutor: "Do not think", "Do not notice", "Do not pay attention to the ending", "Do it over and over again". Psychologists Goulding (1997) found 12 themes of early negative decisions: don't live, don't be yourself, don't be a child, don't grow up (stay little), don't make progress, don't do (don't do anything), don't be the first (don't be a leader, don't stand out), don't belong to anyone, don't be close, don't feel good (don't be healthy), don't think, don't feel (Goulding, 1997). The tale reveals the family myth about the Child. Scripted victims lose control of their own impulses and unmet needs, take solace in food, gambling, sex, power, spending money, drug addiction. The tension that grows from underestimating the Victim is transformed into the violence of the Persecutor, who then repents, promises change, and this cycle repeats.

In the unfavourable psychological climate of the group, the Victim serves as a "scapegoat", the Rescuer serves as a "lightning rod" for angry individuals, the Persecutor complicates the game. The latter may covertly protect others by fearing the unfair consequences of past experiences. Such games are supported by communication drivers. The victims believe in salvation: "I will get approval from others if I am perfect, strong, diligent and pleasing". They need to change the language context: "I must be obedient" to "I have the right to love, showing both turbulent and balanced emotions"; "I have to be inconspicuous and comfortable" to "I have the right to stand out from others" and so on. To change them, you can apply cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, which was started by A. Ellis and A. Beck. The conceptual model of cognitive- behavioural psychotherapy is represented by three aspects: A (activating event) - an event in a person's life is a stimulus for it; B (belief) - the cognitive structure of a person's perception of an event is reflected in the form of thoughts, representations, the individual's personal belief system; C (emotional consequences) - emotional and behavioural consequences.

The inconsistency of the motives and roles of the dramatic triangle causes an internal conflict of the personality, distorts the realistic perception of informational reality. Festinger, the founder of the theory of cognitive dissonance, noted that each person strives for inner harmony (Festinger, 2018). Their views and attitudes tend to unite into groups characterized by the coherence of elements. The existence of dissonance motivates a person to search for balance, integrity, according to K. Jung.

Modern researcher S. Sardarzade noted that in cognitive psychology there are linguistic schemes for understanding a message. These patterns are formed early in life, continue to evolve, and then overlap with later life experiences. They are necessary to maintain a stable view of yourself and the world. People live according to schemes only when external events provoke them. Patients view schemes as a priori truths, which complicates the psychotherapeutic process.

Jeffrey Young identified five domains and 18 maladaptive patterns of perception of reality by the Victim. The schemes are composed of memories, emotions, cognitions, bodily sensations. Early maladaptive schemes: safety acceptance and understanding / breakdown of contact and rejection; need for autonomy, competence and a sense of identity / violation of autonomy; the need for freedom of expression of emotions / focus on others; the need for spontaneity and play / over-caution and inhibitions; need for realistic constraints and self-control / boundary violation. Victims with the domain "Broken ties and rejection" revealed the following maladaptive schemes: rejection / instability, distrust / expectation of tough behaviour, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, social alienation. Victims with the "Autonomy Violation" domain were found to have: addiction / helplessness, vulnerability to harm or disease, confusion / undeveloped identity, academic failure. Victims with the "Violated Boundaries" domain: privilege / grandeur, lack of self-control. For Victims with the "Focus on Others" domain (conditional acceptance of children, if they meet the parents' expectations): obedience, self-sacrifice, seeking approval. Victims with the "Overvigilance and Inhibitions" domain: negativism / pessimism, suppression of emotions, strict standards / pickiness, punishment. The schemes form the victims' complex, which determines their susceptibility to stressful traumatization.

The styles of upbringing of the Victim were distinguished in 2005 at the University of Sheffield in the UK according to the above maladaptive schemes: pessimistic-coward, condi- tionally-narcissistic, emotionally repulsive, overprotective, humiliating, controlling, ordering, perfectionist, emotionally suppressive upbringing. The narcissistic victim has the following characteristics: irresponsibility, self-deprecation, martyrdom, sadistic tendencies, insatiable thirst for love, low self-esteem, anxiety, compensatory arrogance, fear of failure, fear of success, the need to be always right, difficulty making decisions, alienation from one's own feelings, need in continuous selfadmiration, fear of closeness, fear of being abandoned, torn off, dependence on the opinions of others, apathy, lack of initiative.

The Martyr Victim Complex is the belief that I am the victim and everyone is to blame for this except me. Victims demonstrate their unhappiness and mancipation in various situations, experiencing anger, shame, fear, anxiety, sadness, guilt, resentment. They use blackmail: "If I'm unhappy enough, he will change". Victims seek allies in their misfortunes. Therefore, empathic listening is not enough here, the therapist may be trapped by the client, playing along with him.

Only an adult can cope with extreme and stressful situations. It is possible to recode negative defences thanks to the psychotherapy of neurolinguistic reprogramming of the four codes of the personality's subconscious, as described by the modern psychologist S.V. Kovalyov (Kovalyov, 2016). The neurological code reflects the sensations that the human body possesses: I see, hear, feel, anticipate, smell. The psychosemantic code reveals the psychological meanings of concepts in terms of value and meaning for a particular person. The spatial code is described in their work with projections and dispositions of personality projections in space by B. Helinger. In the most difficult situations, where logic is often powerless, a character code is used.

The author's method "Way out of S. Karpman's triangle" includes all the above studies of famous scientists and has the following successive stages:

— the participant lays out on the floor four sheets of paper with the words: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer, Observer;

— then the psychologist invites the patient to stand on a piece of paper with the inscription Victim and describe his bodily sensations, emotions, reveal their meaning for himself, find the belief that stands behind these emerging memories;

the psychologist observes the patient and provides him with information about those changes that are taking place in him, which he does not notice, because they manifest themselves subconsciously (the above script prescriptions, a feeling of discomfort, negative images of the past) gradually brings him to the self-awareness of the repressed;

— then the psychologist invites the patient to stand on a piece of paper with the inscription Persecutor and perform the same procedure for describing the unconscious, which manifests itself in emotions, feelings, beliefs and leads to the patient's awareness of himself in this role; the psychologist has the opportunity to identify and change the script prohibitions of the Parents;

— then the psychologist invites the patient to stand on a piece of paper with the inscription Rescuer and asks to repeat the procedure; the patient is aware of himself as a Rescuer, recalls some events from the past; at this stage, it is important to answer the question: "What advice can you give to the victim?"; when information has acquired a level of awareness of previous roles, the patient has the resource to change the undesirable state of events; the psychologist can offer him various options for successful coping behaviour, if the patient himself cannot create them;

— then the psychologist invites the patient to stand on a piece of paper with the inscription Observer and go through the same procedure; as a rule, people are comfortable in this state; the psychologist tells them that they have the right to take such a position until they gain awareness and intelligibility in the situation;

— then the psychologist asks to repeat the movement in a circle, stand on each of the sheets, repeating the procedure; as a rule, new insights come to patients, but they no longer has past manifestations; the patients achieve internal integration.

Conclusions