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Contents

Introduction

1. The meaning of honesty

2. Deceit in our life

3. How to become honest

Conclusion

References

Introduction

This work is aimed to show the role of honest and deceit in our lives. This issue is topical nowadays as every day we face with the problem of avoiding being dishonest with others and, of course, with ourselves.

The tasks of this report are the following:

· Identify the meanings of honesty and deceit;

· Found out the advantages of being honest and drawbacks of a dishonest lifestyle;

· Write down the main types of deceit and determine how to spot a liar;

· Get the information about the reasons of telling a lie;

· Figure out the ways of becoming honest.

The object of the work is the sphere of people's relationships, when the subject is an honest or dishonest lifestyle.

Now when we have distinguished the main aspects of the report, we can begin to study our problem.

1. The meaning of honesty

Since the childhood we hear about honesty and that we should always tell the truth. There also exist a lot of quotes about honesty, for example, “Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway” or “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”Quotes [Electronic resource] // The electronic library. URL: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=?&id=honesty However, what exactly does it mean?

According to the definition, honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere. To my mind, this definition is full and correct, but it is too hard to understand the real meaning. Honesty is not just a mathematical or physical term; it closely communicates with our everyday life. So, how can I explain what the honesty means?

As for me, it is rather difficult to determine the meaning of `honesty'. It is like I always knew about it, but how to explain it, for example, to my future children? I think I found the decision.

For me, honesty is a moral compass, which guides us. It is more than not just lying. It is everything in our life. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving. I have read one brilliant example of real honesty. It is about John, a nine-year-old Swiss pioneer child who was in one of the handcart companies. His father put a chunk of buffalo meat in the handcart and said it was to be saved for Sunday dinner. John said, “I was so very hungry and the meat smelled so good to me while pushing at the handcart that I could not resist. I had a little pocket knife. … Although I expected a severe whipping when father found it out, I cut off little pieces each day. I would chew them so long that they got white and perfectly tasteless. When father came to get the meat he asked me if I had been cutting off some of it. I said `Yes. I was so hungry I could not let it alone.' Instead of giving me a scolding or whipping, father turned away and wiped tears from his eyes.” In LeRoy R. Hafen and Ann W. Hafen, Handcarts to Zion (1960), 189-90.

Honesty is a principle, and we have our moral agency to determine how we will apply this principle. We have the agency to make choices, but ultimately we will be accountable for each choice we make.

Avoiding deceit in your life can lead you to success. Honest lifestyle has a lot of benefits. For example:

· Closer friendships. Honesty and integrity pave the way for greater intimacy. Your friends love the “true you,” not the one you've artificially created.

· Higher quality friends. Honesty attracts honesty. People who are trustworthy and honest attract trustworthy and honest friends.

· Trust. Honest people are trusted by others.

· Confidence. Honest people trust themselves. Never underestimate the life-changing power of the ability to trust yourself.

· Wellness. Honesty has been linked to less fatigue, less depression, and less anxiety.

· Less stress. Dishonesty needs to be maintained. Pretending to be something you are not requires constant attention to detail, even for the most experienced. Honest people are better able to relax because they are just being themselves and naturally, feel better about themselves and less overwhelmed. JOSHUA BECKER, Why Honesty is the Best Policy for Simplicity, [Electronic resource]. URL:

https://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-honesty-is-the-best-policy-for-simplicity/

Moreover, Part of Sigmund Freud's 1904 Fundamental Rule of Psychoanalysis was that complete honesty was required from patients for their cure. APA Annual Convention 2012, A Life Without Lies He may have been on to something, as evidenced by research presented at the 2014 national convention of the American Psychological Association.

New research suggests that this widespread insincerity is taking a toll on more than just your good reputation and, in fact, may play a significant role in your health. What's more, you may be able to lower your risk of sore throats, colds, and headaches just by learning to tell the truth.

The study, which was carried out by two University of Notre Dame professionals as part of their “Science of Honesty” project, followed 72 adults for five weeks. The participants were broken into two groups, a control group and a sincerity group that was told to speak only the truth. Members of the sincerity group were told: Psychology Today August 9, 2014

“Throughout every day of the next 5 weeks, you must speak honestly, truthfully, and sincerely--not only about the big things, but also about the small things, such as why you were late.

You must always mean what you say in situations where your statements are to be taken seriously, as opposed to when joking or obviously exaggerating. While you certainly can choose not to answer questions, you must always mean what you say.”

By the end of the study, significant health differences were reported among the two groups. Those in the sincerity group had an average of seven fewer symptoms, such as sore throats, headaches, nausea, and mental tension, than the control group.

One of the study's authors, psychology professor Anita Kelly, Ph.D, has been following the instructions too, and said that while she normally gets five to seven colds a winter, she had so far had none, despite the fact that she'd also been getting less sleep. As Forbes put it: Forbes August 10, 2014

“Perhaps all of that lying causes a continual level of psychosomatic stress that handicaps our immune system.”

Living an honest life takes effort - especially at the beginning. It requires a decision to pursue it and some action steps to get it started. But once it begins to gain momentum in your life and you begin to realize its many benefits, honesty will become easier and easier.

2. Deceit in our life

honesty lifestyle deceit dishonest

Lawyer and religious leader Howard W. Hunter said “Each lie, each deception, each act of dishonesty combines to create a monster that can destroy your character and your life.” Do you agree with him? I do.

Almost everyone, at some point of time or the other of their lives, has been guilty of lying. It, in fact, is almost impossible for a child to turn into an adult without having gone through the vicious processes of lying.

It is known that deceit is a dishonest behavior; behavior that is meant to fool or trick someone.

The average person lies about 11 times a day, and will slip in at least two dishonesties in a 10-minute conversation, according to lying expert Robert Feldman. Eurek Alert June 6, 2002

As for why people lie, it depends. Research by Feldman found that people lie almost as a matter of reflex and most may not even realize they've done it.

In one study, all the participants said they had been truthful in their recorded conversations, but when the video was played back, 60 percent of the participants had not been truthful (and were reportedly “genuinely surprised” that they had said something inaccurate). LiveScience May 15, 2006

Feldman found that men tend to lie to make themselves look better while women tend to lie to boost another person's feelings. And extroverts, in general, tend to lie more frequently than introverts.

Moreover, we can meet a lot of types of deceit. Some of them are:

· Lies to make ourselves look better might include exaggerations, embellishments, and flat-out tall-tales we tell to others, and ourselves, to make ourselves feel better about our inadequacies. When you're unhappy about something, it's much easier to fill it in with lies than tell the truth.

· We lie to peers we think are better than us, because we want them to respect us as we respect them. Unfortunately, being dishonest is disrespectful in the long run. Give people more credit for their ability to empathize and understand you on a deeper level.

· Lies that avoid embarrassment might include lies told to cover up bad behaviors, transgressions, or any activity we're not proud of. If your mom found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you might lie and say that they're your friend's to avoid punishment.

· We lie to authoritative figures to avoid embarrassment and punishment, including ourselves. When we've done something we feel guilty about, lies are told to eliminate the guilt, avoid the punishments, and get back to the objectionable behavior we're forced to lie about. It's a vicious cycle.

Separate research from the University of Alberta revealed that people have an easier time lying to their co-workers than to strangers, especially when it comes to protecting their self-worth or self-esteem. Jennifer Argo of the University of Alberta explained: LiveScience May 15, 2006

“…people appear to be short-term focused when they decide to deceive someone--save my self-image and self-worth now, but later on if the deceived individual finds out it can have long-term consequences.”

If we think about the examples of deceit, we will remind telling a lie to Mom or being dishonest with friend etc. However, there are some hidden lies, which are the following:

Ш Stealing. I seldom read a newspaper without finding a number of reports of burglary, robbery, purse-snatching, shoplifting, car theft, and a thousand other things. Even in our chapels there are reports of petty theft.

Ш Cheating. Newspapers carry similar accounts of fraudulent transactions in security dealings, in business transactions, cheating in investments, and other things that are called to public attention. There are some who would cheat their way through school and some who would cheat in examinations.

Ш Violations of Word of Wisdom standards. These are Church standards. They are not violations of the standards of the world. But you have been given the word of the Lord on this subject.

Ш Violation of traffic ordinances. One cannot be basically honest and violate laws formulated by society and government for the welfare of other persons.

Ш Not making the best use of time. The more I think about this, the more impressed I become with this concept of dishonesty.

Sometimes it is really essential to identify a liar and there are some ways how to do it. One of the best ways to spot a liar is by observing his or her body language. All physical movements in more occasions than one will usually be restricted or limited to less space. For example, when a person is speaking the truth, he/she may use his/he hands in a very normal manner. However, when a person is lying, hand movements or movements of any other part of the body will be restricted and it wouldn't take much to figure out how conscious the liar is about his/her body movements.

Another thing is about the face touch. The next time you come across a child who you know is lying for sure, try taking a look at the way the child touches his/her face or how many times he/she touches his face. With this you will notice that touching the face when lying is as good as an instinctive action. This instinctive child like action does not go away even when the liar becomes an adult. So, if a person looks like he/she is spinning a yarn and he/she keeps covering the mouth, touching the nose or the lips, you can be pretty sure you have a liar on your hands.

Moreover, when someone is giving you a white lie, his/her pupils are almost guaranteed to look dilated. This mostly happens because of the pumping of adrenalin in the body. However, it is important to mention here that the intensity of the pumping adrenalin will purely depend on the nature of the lie. As far as the gaze goes, a person who is lying will hardly look you in the eye, but look almost everywhere else. This can be one of the biggest giveaways of a white lie.

Just like how a liar consciously or unconsciously restricts his or her bodily movements when lying, so will he/she restrict his/her expressions. At first glance this may not be easy to tell, but when you look closer and more carefully at the way `your' liar is expressing him or herself, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to tell if it is a lie that you are getting. For example, when a person lies and if he/she is also smiling when lying, you will notice that smile is a restricted one. Chances of it not being a real one are really are as high as the skies.

If a person is lying and there are objects around, you can be rest assured that the liar will play with them or at least look like he/she has an unexplained affection for the object in question. The `object' here can range from a coffee mug or a spoon, to a simple piece of paper. The obsession with objects really is just the liar's way of relieving him or herself from the tension that is a part of the lying.

Now when we know all about benefits of telling the truth and how deceit depends on our lives, it is important to be more honest daily.

3. How to become honest

No one likes lies. But, unfortunately, being dishonest with others and ourselves is sometimes easier than telling the truth. It doesn't need to be that way, though. Learning to be honest and eliminating the need for lies can help to clean up your conscience and your relationships. Shifting your perspective slightly and orienting yourself to a policy of honesty can help you to eliminate the need for lies and make it more attractive to tell the truth.

If you want to start telling the truth, firstly, figure out why you lie and who you lie to. We always lie to different people and to ourselves for different reasons. However, if you really decided to stop telling deceits, you have to define those reasons and those people for yourself.

Secondly, anticipate behaviors that will make feel you guilty. To break the chain of embarrassment and lying, you should avoid things you can feel guilty for. While lying? You are covering up uncomfortable truth that is more easily couched in a lie. You can either get comfortable with the truth, or abandon the behavior that makes you embarrassed. For example, if you smoke cigarettes, you will not lie if everyone knows about it.

Moreover, stop comparing yourself to others. We often lie to make ourselves better than we really are. If we stop feeling competitive with others and give ourselves the value we deserve, there will not be the reason to lie. Forget what you think other people want to hear from you. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they're not running "game" on you, or being manipulative. Speak from your heart and tell the truth, without even the slightest bit of concern about whether or not it will make you look "bad." People respect honesty, even when the truth is uncomfortable.

Also you should accept the consequence and decide to face them. Even if there will be some consequences at the end of the admission, it'll be the honest consequences that you deserve.

The other step to become honest is to do things that make you feel proud. When you feel good about yourself you do not have to lie. Communicate with understanding people, who will respect you and do things that give you satisfaction.

What's more, avoid situations in which you will have to lie for others. Be wary when someone tells you something in confidence that you know that you should share with someone else (e.g., knowledge of a crime, a lie, or a harmful act against another). Hearing such information puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually emerges and reveals to the affected person that you knew all along.

The last thing is to distinguish between what the person needs to know and what you want to say. Sometimes we need to be heard but pulling out the stopper can be a quick way to sour relationships and say something we actually did not mean. To avoid such situations, we should figure out the difference between things that you need to say because another person needs to hear it? And things that you want to say to make yourself feel better.

Unfortunately, we can be dishonest not only with other people, but with ourselves. Of course, it is unacceptable because it can lead to negative effects. To become honest with ourselves we need to follow the next steps:

§ Give yourself an objective appraisal. It's possible to build up psychological barriers that force us into dishonest behaviors, opinions, and activities that could be avoided by giving ourselves an objective appraisal. Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses in a notebook to find things to improve and to celebrate your achievements.

§ Confront the things about yourself that you dislike.

§ Create opportunities for yourself to improve. Try to identify areas for improvement and specific ways that will lead you to improvements.

§ When you decide to act, carry through with that action. Lying to yourself is easy. It's easy to come up with a couple hundred reasons not to do something you don't want to do. That's why we let it happen so often! Make it hard on yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start working, start doing it. Make it happen. Now. Don't wait until you come up with a litany of reasons that it's "not the right time." When you make a decision, set it in motion.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, you cannot become honest in one day because it takes amount of time. However it is possible to follow simple steps, which you can find in chapter 3:

Ш figuring out why you lie and who you lie to;

Ш avoiding behaviors that will make feel you guilty;

Ш accepting the consequence and decide to face them;

Ш doing things that make you feel proud;

Ш anticipating situations in which you will have to lie for others;

Ш distinguishing between what the person needs to know and what you want to say.

Of course, it will be rather difficult to remember and do all this things but it is worth of it. Living an honest life is much easier than we think. It has a lot of advantages, including beneficial influence on health or making closer friendships. All in all, honesty with others and with yourself always lead to success.

References

1. Quotes [Electronic resource] // The electronic library. URL: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=?&id=honesty

2. In LeRoy R. Hafen and Ann W. Hafen, Handcarts to Zion (1960), 189-90.

3. JOSHUA BECKER, Why Honesty is the Best Policy for Simplicity, [Electronic resource]. URL: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-honesty-is-the-best-policy-for-simplicity/

4. APA Annual Convention 2012, A Life Without Lies

5. Psychology Today August 9, 2014

6. Eurek Alert June 6, 2002

7. LiveScience May 15, 2006

8. Being Honest Can Improve Your Health // Health Articles, [Electronic resource].URL: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/10/04/being-honest-improves-health.aspx

9. How To Be Honest// Articles, [Electronic resource]. URL: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Honest

10. HOWARD W. HUNTER, Be Honest with Yourself, [Electronic resource]. URL: https://www.lds.org/youth/article/be-honest-with-yourself?lang=eng

11. JAMES E. FRAUST, Honesty - a Moral Compass, [Electronic resource]. URL: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/honesty-a-moral-compass?lang=eng

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