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10.12.2019 | |
328,9 K |
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"One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"" |
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"Ů˵"?vÿһΣͳһͷ"XǶٿ"GCѹѵͷȫח". |
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Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late." "Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?" |
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"Ȏqkʲôġһ죬ҪɷɷܵʱģӰο"svSSCkġ"v֝\N{־߿Ҫҳʱ˵"仹ûأ" |
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A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dog's cross?eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?" "Well", said the vet, "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," Says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Just because he's cross?eyed?" said the man. "No, because he's heavy," said the vet. |
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?IoɢСײС "?s(xi),?H ?IkϋF"sϺ(xi)?C䐥?II" |
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A man is driving to work and is called on his mobile. It's his boss saying he's been promoted. The man is so happy his car wobbles in the road. A little while later there is another phone call and he's been promoted again. He is so happy he swerves into the middle of the road and back into his lane. Later there is another phone call. For the 3rd time he is promoted. He is so overwhelmed with joy that he swerves off the road and bangs into a tree. A passing car stops and a man gets out and says "Are you alright, what happened?" and the other man replies "I 'careered' off the road." |
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, "careered off". , , "The man is so happy his car wobbles in the road" He is so happy he swerves into the middle of the road and back into his lane". , ( ). (happy - overwhelmed).
^iQԱۻᣬûмнûְսȡˣƽһء @@LlƿһǾƵ֣Ͷµˣ˶ʱͷʹһߎI - VB |
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The teacher explained to the class that "y" ("ie") was a diminutive suffix: "For example, Dad - Daddy, dog - doggie". "Papa - puppy", prompted a pupil. |
, "y" ("ie") - : ", Dad - Daddy, dog - doggie". "Papa - puppy", - . |
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wʦʦΪʲôɻϷɣȴӲײأ VʦشΪǻ |
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ʘVһλҽҽ¡˵Ҫ£Ҫգ˵˼աǾͻỳҽDzDz. |
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Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. |
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Q: What is Spider-Man's favorite month? A: Web-ruary. |
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ʣ˭֪ Fw偐l! m浐l! |
Q: ? A: -! , -! |
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World's best oxymoron: Windows Operating System |
: Windows. |
, "operating" (, ) "Windows" , .
ŵǵΪiPhone?sвԭ̫δͨˤԡû뵽ǣֻرһ˾ͲˤˁBBB |
Nokia , iPhone , . : , |
, Nokia - iPhone. , , . , "û뵽", , .
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, "Ugh! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go and give him a telling off. I'll hold your monkey for you." |
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: "the ugliest baby I've ever seen", "monkey". "" . : , , .
꘢ũŮʵ̫ˣֻȥصŻѻѻֻѻŵðһЩ˻ |
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There are two sausages sizzling in a frying pan. The one turns to the other and says "gees, it's hot in here" and the second one turns around and goes "AAAAH!", a talking sausage". |
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, . (sizzling) (The one [sausage] says). - , . - (AAAAH!).
LVC?ʱ뵽˵ǵԲܺóԣ͵һԲĵ꣬ˣ˵ϰʳСҮɲһݾͺã VF... |
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America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. |
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lalIײŗŁC"óû⣬˵˰ɡ lΒ˵vY?⣬˳ִӳȡһƿơ lFFCûʲô⣬ȵѹѹɣ lڹƺһڣݸйˡ lFFC?痈_?B lFs}Cx@ŹԺٺ |
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Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. |
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˵йձȥݷǵδ {ʣձʱܹ籭϶ڣ @˵30NB {۵һˣⱲǸϲˡ ʣأ Ŏ˵60NB Ҳ۵һˡ ʣأ ŎZZIꐺLFⱲǸϲ |
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꘢Nz𐪕CAxӡʱҽָŲԱʾ⣬˵ʲôԱĶأ V?CŵӰͻȻλľҽҽҲϳҪѰʣ˵ҽǷH |
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THE DEADLIEST JOB IN WWII My high school assignment ?was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served ?in the Philippines during the war, ?I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?" Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook." |
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The royal couple is finally heading to their honeymoon for two weeks of living in pampered luxury, followed by a lifetime of...the same |
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were out fishing in a boat on a lake together and doing very well. 'This is a terrific spot for fishing,' said the Englishman. 'How will we know where this spot is next time?' 'I've thought of that,' said The Scotsman, 'I've just put a mark on the side of the boat.' 'You idiot,' said the Irishman, 'how do you know we will get this boat the next time?' |
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A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh playing the fruit machine. He calls over, "Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?" and Van Gogh replies, "No thanks. I've got one 'ere." |
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A man walks into a restaurant and growls at the maitre d', "Do you serve crabs here?" the maitre d' responds "We serve anyone. Have a seat sir." |
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What did Britain say to its trading partners? See EU later. |
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The doctor says to the patient, "You're in excellent health ? you'll live to be 90." The patient replies, "But Doctor, I am 90!" The doctor responds, "Well, that's it, then." |
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A worried man goes to see his priest. "Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me." Said the priest: "Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow, then I shall be able to give you some advice." The following day the man again comes to his priest who tells him: "Well my son, I have talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is :Take the poison" |
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꘢OninΖx·ïشǧҿǧ½ϵضȾ̓ïǰնտ.iϴҵͷȥв㷭ȥ |
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L\MˮˣҪˮ̡һ죬һǽ£Ȼ""ꐺCǽͷѹש֮Уôо˵"һ£ȥʷˮܲܶ |
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ˣ敃ף˵ϸüۣƤϺڡһΰС"?ôףôôѽ"˵ "?KDށB" "K?DށHlƓs컶ƤС"Hʡ "ēVsph˪ôɡʡǮ"旝sn˵B |
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, - 62% 64% . (174 129 ), (73 ) (53 ).
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[27,3 K], 21.02.2015. , . "". . .
[41,9 K], 17.05.2016. . . .
[218,6 K], 15.03.2008, . . - " ".
[55,7 K], 25.01.2011. . , , . . .
[122,8 K], 03.07.2014. . " " " ". .. . .
[56,0 K], 18.04.2011. . " ". .
[42,2 K], 27.07.2015. . . - . .
[40,1 K], 02.01.2013. - . .
[130,9 K], 23.11.2013, , . .
[144,4 K], 03.12.2012, . . , .
[63,2 K], 21.09.2015, . . , .
[187,5 K], 22.12.2013. . . .
[54,6 K], 27.01.2013. . . - . .
[111,7 K], 06.02.2015, . . , .
[43,7 K], 12.04.2009. , . . , .
[21,0 K], 10.08.2010"" . . -, . - . -.
[70,3 K], 24.12.2012. , . .
[99,6 K], 18.11.2017. "", "" " ". , . .
[115,2 K], 31.01.2011" ". : . .
[3,2 M], 31.10.2016