Коммуникативный дискомфорт в лингвистическом тексте

"Mom -- geroff" He wriggled free.

"Aaah, has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?" said one of the twins.

"Shut up," said Ron.

95

"Never mind that, do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?"

Their mother suddenly became very stern.

"I forbid you to ask him, Fred. No, don't you dare. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school."

96

"And have you really got -- you know..." He pointed at Harry's forehead.

Harry pulled back his bangs to show the lightning scar. Ron stared.

"So that's where You-Know-Who…”

"Yes," said Harry, "but I can't remember it."

97

Ron reached inside his jacket and pulled out a fat gray rat, which was asleep.

"His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for being made a prefect, but they couldn't aff-- I mean, I got Scabbers instead."

Ron's ears went pink. He seemed to think he'd said too much, because he went back to staring out of the window.

98

He had just raised his wand when the compartment door slid open again. The toadless boy was back, but this time he had a girl with him. <…>

"Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then."

She sat down. Ron looked taken aback.

"Er -- all right."

He cleared his throat.

"Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow." He waved his wand, but nothing happened. <…>

"Are you sure that's a real spell?" said the girl. "Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. <…> I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough -- I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?”

She said all this very fast. Harry looked at Ron, and was relieved to see by his stunned face that he hadn't learned all the course books by heart either.

"I'm Ron Weasley," Ron muttered.

"Harry Potter," said Harry.

99

"Are you really?" said Hermione. "I know all about you, of course - I got a few extra books. for background reading, and you're in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.”

"Am I?" said Harry, feeling dazed.

"Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it

was me," said Hermione. "Do either of you know what house you'll be in? <…> Anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad. <…>"

And she left, taking the toadless boy with her.

"Whatever house I'm in, I hope she's not in it," said Ron.

100

"You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there."

He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but Harry didn't take it.

"I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks," he said coolly.

Draco Malfoy didn't go red, but a pink tinge appeared in his pale cheeks.

"I'd be careful if I were you, Potter," he said slowly. "Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them, either. You hang around with riffraff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid, and it'll rub off on you."

Both Harry and Ron stood up.

"Say that again," Ron said, his face as red as his hair.

"Oh, you're going to fight us, are you?" Malfoy sneered.

"Unless you get out now," said Harry, more bravely than he felt <…>

101

"<…> You haven't been fighting, have you? You'll be in trouble before we even get there!"

"Scabbers has been fighting, not us," said Ron, scowling at her. "Would you mind leaving while we change?"

"All right -- I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors," said Hermione in a sniffy voice. "And you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?"

Ron glared at her as she left.

102

"I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."

She left the chamber. Harry swallowed.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

Harry's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? But he didn't know any magic yet -- what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived.

103

"You -- Potter -- why didn't you tell him not to add the quills? Thought he'd make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That's another point you've lost for Gryffindor."

This was so unfair that Harry opened his mouth to argue, but Ron kicked him behind their cauldron.

104

"It's that stupid thing Longbottom's gran sent him."

The Remembrall glittered in the sun as he held it up.

"Give that here, Malfoy," said Harry quietly. <…>

Malfoy smiled nastily.

"I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find -- how about -- up a tree?"

"Give it here!" Harry yelled, but Malfoy had leapt onto his broomstick and taken off.

105

"Excuse me."

They both looked up. It was Hermione Granger.

"Can't a person eat in peace in this place?" said Ron.

Hermione ignored him and spoke to Harry.

"I couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying --"

"Bet you could," Ron muttered.

"--and you mustn't go wandering around the school at night, think of the points you'll lose Gryffindor if you're caught, and you're bound to be. It's really very selfish of you."

"And it's really none of your business," said Harry.

"Good-bye," said Ron.

106

"I can't believe you're going to do this, Harry."

A lamp flickered on. It was Hermione Granger, wearing a pink bathrobe and a frown.

"You!" said Ron furiously. "Go back to bed!"

"I almost told your brother," Hermione snapped, "Percy -- he's a prefect, he'd put a stop to this."

Harry couldn't believe anyone could be so interfering.

107

"Now what am I going to do?" she asked shrilly.

"That's your problem," said Ron. "We've got to go, we 3 re going to be late."

They hadn't even reached the end of the corridor when Hermione caught up with them.

"I'm coming with you," she said.

"You are not."

"D'you think I'm going to stand out here and wait for Filch to catch me? If he finds all three of us I'll tell him the truth, that I was trying to stop you, and you can back me up."

"You've got some nerve --" said Ron loudly.

"Shut up, both of you!" said Harry sharply. I heard something."

108

"The Bludgers rocket around, trying to knock players off their brooms. That's why you have two Beaters on each team <…> it's their job to protect their side from the Bludgers and try and knock them toward the other team. <…>" <…>

"Er -- have the Bludgers ever killed anyone?" Harry asked, hoping he sounded offhand.

109

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he shouted, waving his long arms like a windmill.

"You're saying it wrong," Harry heard Hermione snap. "It's Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the 'gar' nice and long."

"You do it, then, if you're so clever," Ron snarled.

110

"How do you know about Fluffy?" he said.

"Fluffy?"

"Yeah -- he's mine -- bought him off a Greek chappie I met in the pub las' year -- I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the…”

"Yes?" said Harry eagerly.

"Now, don't ask me anymore," said Hagrid gruffly. "That's top secret, that is."

"But Snape's trying to steal it."

"Rubbish," said Hagrid again. "Snape's a Hogwarts teacher, he'd do nothin' of the sort."

111

“<…> I know a jinx when I see one, Hagrid, I've read all about them! You've got to keep eye contact, and Snape wasn't blinking at all, I saw him!"

"I'm tellin' yeh, yer wrong!" said Hagrid hotly. "I don' know why Harry's broom acted like that, but Snape wouldn' try an' kill a student!”

112

Now, don't forget, it's Locomotor Mortis," Hermione muttered as Ron slipped his wand up his sleeve.

"I know," Ron snapped. "Don't nag."

113

"You know how I think they choose people for the Gryffindor team?" said

Malfoy loudly a few minutes later <…> "It's people they feel sorry for. See, there's Potter, who's got no parents, then there's the Weasleys, who've got no money -- you should be on the team, Longbottom, you've got no brains."

Neville went bright red but turned in his seat to face Malfoy.

"I'm worth twelve of you, Malfoy," he stammered.

114

"Hagrid! What are you doing in the library?" <…>

"Jus' lookin'," he said, in a shifty voice that got their interest at once. "An' what're you lot up ter?" He looked suddenly suspicious. "Yer not still lookin' fer Nicolas Flamel, are yeh?"

"Oh, we found out who he is ages ago," said Ron impressively. "And we know what that dog's guarding, it's a Sorcerer's St --"

"Shhhh!" Hagrid looked around quickly to see if anyone was listening.

"Don' go shoutin' about it, what's the matter with yeh?"

"There are a few things we wanted to ask you, as a matter of fact," said Harry, "about what's guarding the Stone apart from Fluffy --"

"SHHHH!" said Hagrid again. "Listen - come an' see me later, I'm not promisin' I'll tell yeh anythin', mind, but don' go rabbitin' about it in here, students aren' s'pposed ter know. They'll think I've told yeh --"

115

"We were wondering if you could tell us what's guarding the Sorcerer's Stone apart from Fluffy."

Hagrid frowned at him.

"0' course I cant,” he said

116

“<…> and fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor."

"Fifty?" Harry gasped -- they would lose the lead, the lead he'd won in the last Quidditch match.

"Fifty points each," said Professor McGonagall, breathing heavily through her long, pointed nose.

"Professor - please”

"You can't --"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Potter. Now get back to bed, all of you. I've never been more ashamed of Gryffindor students."

A hundred and fifty points lost. That put Gryffindor in last place. In one night, they'd ruined any chance Gryffindor had had for the house cup. Harry felt as though the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. How could they ever make up for this?

117

He felt so ashamed of himself that he went to Wood and offered to resign from the Quidditch team.

"Resign?" Wood thundered. "What good'll that do? <…>”

118

"I'm not going in that forest,” he said <…>.

"Yeh are if yeh want ter stay at Hogwarts," said Hagrid fiercely. "Yeh've done wrong an' now yehve got ter pay fer it."

119

"Listen, I'm glad we've run inter yeh, Ronan, 'cause there's a unicorn bin hurt -- you seen anythin'?"

Ronan didn't answer immediately. <…> "Always the innocent are the first victims," he said. "So it has been for ages past, so it is now."

"Yeah," said Hagrid, "but have yeh seen anythin', Ronan? Anythin' unusual?"

"Mars is bright tonight," Ronan repeated, while Hagrid watched him impatiently. "Unusually bright."

"Yeah, but I was meanin' anythin' unusual a bit nearer home, said Hagrid. "So yeh haven't noticed anythin' strange?"

Yet again, Ronan took a while to answer. At last, he said, "The forest hides many secrets."

A movement in the trees behind Ronan made Hagrid raise his bow again, but it was only a second centaur <…>.

"Hullo, Bane," said Hagrid. "All right?"

"Good evening, Hagrid, I hope you are well?"

"Well enough. Look, I've jus' bin askin' Ronan, you seen anythin' odd in here lately? There's a unicorn bin injured -- would yeh know anythin' about it?"

Bane walked over to stand next to Ronan. He looked skyward. "Mars is bright tonight," he said simply.

"We've heard," said Hagrid grumpily. "Well, if either of you do see anythin', let me know, won't yeh? We'll be off, then."

Harry and Hermione followed him out of the clearing <…>.

"Never," said Hagrid irritably, "try an' get a straight answer out of a centaur. Ruddy stargazers. Not interested in anythin' closer'n the moon."

120

"Snape wants the stone for Voldemort... and Voldemort's waiting in the forest... and all this time we thought Snape just wanted to get rich...."

"Stop saying the name!" said Ron in a terrified whisper, as if he thought Voldemort could hear them.

Harry wasn't listening.

"Firenze saved me, but he shouldn't have done so.... Bane was furious... he was talking about interfering with what the planets say is going to happen.... They must show that Voldemort's coming back.... Bane thinks Firenze should have let Voldemort kill me.... I suppose that's written in the stars as well."

"Will you stop saying the name!" Ron hissed.

121

Nah, first stop fer us is Gringotts. Wizards' bank. <…>

"Wizards have banks?"

"Just the one. Gringotts. Run by goblins."

Harry dropped the bit of sausage he was holding.

"Goblins?"

"Yeah -- so yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it <…>”

122

“May we open the windows, Mr Barker?” asked the Queen. Her accent cut into Jack like a crystal. He half expected to bleed.

123

“What your family has perpetuated,” he said, “is a hierarchy, with you at the top and others, inevitably, below you. Our country is class ridden as a result. Class fear has strangled us, Mr Windsor. Our country has been stagnating at the same rate as your family has been capitalising on its wealth and power. I am merely bringing this imbalance to an end.”

The Queen had listened to enough of this Republican rubbish. She said, “So you will be scratching around looking for a new figurehead, a president of some kind, will you?”

124

He had given up asking the value of the treasures. The figures became meaningless and Mr Bostock was clearly uncomfortable talking about money.

125

“Hi, I'm Trish McPherson. I'm your social worker. Look, I know it's difficult for you, but it's not going to help the situation if you won't let me in, is it?”

The Queen recoiled from the words “social worker” and stepped back from the door. <…>

The Queen said, “I am not dressed. I cannot receive visitors until I am dressed.”

126

Charles, the Queen and an armed, but plain-clothed, policeman had driven past the barrier at the end of Hell Close just as Princess Margaret's pantechnicon had driven in. Princess Margaret had looked down into the police car and seen her sister's blood stained cashmere jumper and her closed eyes and had immediately had hysterics, shrieking, “They are going to kill us all!”

The driver of the pantechnicon had turned murderous eyes onto her. After enduring three hours of her company he could cheerfully have put her up against a wall, a scarf around her eyes, a bullet in her heart. He would have denied her a last cigarette.

127

Charles said, “Dr Animba, my mother has waited nearly five hours for medical attention.”

“Yes, this is normal.” Doctor Animba rose to his feet.

“Normal?”

“Oh yes. <…>” With a swish of the curtain he was gone. The Queen sank back onto the hospital trolley and closed her eyes tightly against the prickling of tears gathering behind the lids. She must control herself at all costs.

Charles said, “It's another world.”

The Queen said, “Another country, at least.”

128

As they worked, Mandy asked, “What will you miss most?”

Diana answered instantly, “My Merc”

“Merc?”

“Mercedes-Benz 500 SL. It's metallic red and it does one hundred-and-fifty-seven miles an hour.”

“Bet that cost a bit,” said Mandy.

“Well, about seventy thousand pounds,” confessed Diana. The room went quiet. <…>

“Did you say seventeen thousand?” said Violet as she adjusted her pink hearing aid.

“Seventy thousand,” bellowed Philomena Toussaint, the only black woman in the room. There was silence.

“For a car?” Violet's chins wobbled in indignation. Diana dropped her eyes.

129

He scrutinized Violet, his wife of four years. How had he ended up with her? But he knew how. She had hunted him down. He hadn't stood a chance.

“Well, come in or go out, you great big gorm face. You're letting the cold in.” Listen to how his wife spoke to him. No respect.

130

“Knock on the wall if you want owt,” ordered Violet.

“Night or day,” added Wilf.

“You've been terribly kind,” said Diana. “What do I owe you?” She opened her purse and looked inside. When she looked up, she saw from the expression on the women's faces that she had committed a major faux pas.

131

Beverley said, “I'll give you lessons on making tea if you like. It's dead easy, really.”

But Prince Philip ignored her kind offer. Instead, he turned to Tony and complained, “Can't get the hot water on; need a shave. See to it, will you?”

Tony bristled. Honest, he thought, he talks to me as if I'm a cowin' dog. “Sorry,” he said, “I'm taking Bev out for a drink. Ready, Bev?”

132

The Queen Mother was laughing at the ridiculous smallness of it all. “It's a perfectly adorable bungalow,” she laughed. “It's darling. It could be a kennel for a large dog.” <…>

The Queen was irritated by her mother's refusal to give in to one moment of despair. The bungalow was truly appalling, cramped, smelly and cold. How would her mother manage? She had never so much as drawn her own curtains. Yet here she was putting a stupidly brave face on this truly awful situation.

133

Mrs Christmas had one son in a judo hold, round his neck. Mr Christmas was brandishing a potato masher towards the others. The son who had let Charles into the house leapt back into the argument, as though he had never left, proclaiming his innocence at full volume. “Well, it weren't me!”

“Well, all I know is I left that rent money under the clock an' now it's gone,” said Mrs Christmas.

Mr Christmas jabbed the potato masher towards his sons and said, “An' one of you bastards 'as 'ad it.”

134

But the Queen's eye was taken by a lurid oil painting of two young children which hung over the fireplace. The Queen asked who they were. There was a slight pause, then Tony said, “It's Vernon and Lisa, our kids. We thought it was worth 'aving 'em painted. It'll be an heirloom in years to come.” The Queen was surprised; she had assumed that the Threadgolds were childless. She said so. Beverley said, “No, we got kids but they've bin took off us.” The Queen asked, “By whom?”

Tony said, “Social Services, they've 'ad 'em eighteen month.” He and Beverley drew together and looked at the beautiful painted faces of their children. The Queen did not like to question them further and they did not volunteer any more information so the Queen thanked them for the tea and said goodnight.

135

When the form was completed, the Queen asked when she would receive the giro. “It could be a week, though we're short-staffed, so …” Dorkin's voice trailed off.

“So?”

“It could be longer; perhaps nine, ten days.”

“But how can we exist without food for ten days? You surely won't allow us to starve?” said the Queen to the young man. Dorkin grudgingly admitted that starvation was not official policy.

136

The Queen Mother sat down and asked Fitzroy if he was interested in horses. Fitzroy wondered if this was a trap. He had promised his mother that he would never gamble.

137

“'S no good givin' him a actual crisp, they're salt and vinegar,” said the young mother - number thirty-eight. “'E don't like salt 'n' vinegar.”

The Queen nodded, reluctant to open her mouth and advertise her class. Her accent was proving to be rather a bother. Should she try to modify it? And her grammar was a nuisance. Should she throw in a few double negatives? It was terribly difficult to work out where she belonged any more - except as a number between thirty-eight and forty.

138

“Yes, I was once head of a dynasty, so I know how your husband feels - having it snatched away.”

The Queen scowled. “My husband was not the head of the dynasty. I was.”

139

“Still,” said Victor, “it's nothing to what you've lost, is it?”

The Queen, who had lost palaces, property, land, jewels, paintings, houses, a yacht, a plane, a train, over a thousand servants and billions of pounds, nodded her agreement.

140

<…> the Queen warned, “The laces in your shoes are undone!”

The daft teenager shouted back: “They ain't shoes; they're trainers. An' nobody does the laces up no more, 'cept dorks!”

141

“I'm gonna try the mental hospitals,” said Dr Potter. “He's off his head, so it's kinda legit.” The Queen was horrified.

“But he needs emergency medical care, doesn't he?” she asked.

142

When Charles had read the poem aloud to his fellow cell mates, Carlton said, “That's a wicked poem, man.”

Lee remained silent. He was burning with creative jealousy. In his opinion, his own “Fluffy the Kitten” was by far the superior poem.

143

“A beautiful job,” said the Queen. “How much do I owe you?”

George was offended. “Nowt,” he said.

144

At the end of the funeral service the vicar said, “Before we move on to the churchyard I'd like you to join me in a prayer of thanksgiving.”

“Vicar's won the pools,” said Mr Christmas to his wife.

“Shurrup!” hissed Mrs Christmas. “Show some bleedin' respect. You're in church.”

145

As the coach turned into the gates of Buckingham Palace, Tony Threadgold said, “'Oo's inside the coach then?”

“How on earth would I know?” snarled the Queen.

146

“You wanna write a letter?” asked Carlton.

“Yes,” said Charles, who had wondered if he had actually been speaking English or had slipped into the French or Welsh language unconsciously.

“You have to be issued with a letter,” explained Carlton. “One a week.”

“Only one?” said Charles. “But that's simply absurd. I've got masses of people to write to. I promised my mother …”

147

“You're coming dangerously close to infringing the rules of this prison,” said Pike.

“What are the rules?” Charles asked anxiously.

“You'll find out what they are when you break them,” said Pike with great satisfaction.

“But that's Kafkaesque.”

“It might be,” said Pike, who had no idea what the word meant. “But a rule is a rule and just because you used to be the heir to the throne, don't expect no favours from me.”

148

“You've found somebody with an estate car?” asked the Queen <…>.

“No,” said Anne. “Gilbert can pull the coffin.”

“On what?”

“On Spiggy's dad's cart.”<…>

The Queen said, “But Anne darling, Mummy can't be buried from the back of a gypsy cart.”

Anne, who in her former life had been associated with Romany causes, bristled slightly at this slur.

149

“You'll have to re-invent yourself, won't you? Find a new lifestyle.”

“I don't think there will be much style in my life,” said the Queen.

“Course there will be,” reassured Trish.

“I am too poor for style,” said the Queen, irritably.

Trish smiled her horrible understanding smile. She paused and dropped her head as if she were wondering whether or not to speak what was on her mind. Then, bringing her head up, as though being decisive, she said, “Y' know, I happen to think that - and I mean this, though it's a hoary old clichй…”

The Queen wanted to bring something heavy and solid crashing down on Trish's head. Black Rod's ceremonial stick would have served the purpose nicely, she thought.

150

The director stepped forward. <…> He spoke to the Inspector: “Hi there, we're from NTV and we'd like to interview the Queen of England. I understand we have to check in here first. My name is Tom Dix.”

Holyland glanced at the ID card hanging from Dix's navy pin stripe. “There is nobody called the Queen of England living in Hellebore Close.”

“Aw, c'mon, fella,” said Tom, smiling. “We know she's here.” <…>

Chief Inspector Holyland continued<…>: “In accordance with the Former Royal Persons Act, section nine, paragraph five, photographing, interviewing and filming for the purpose of reproducing the said practices in the print or broadcasting media is forbidden.”

Randy snarled, “Guy talks like he's got a hot dog up his ass.”

Tom smiled wider at Holyland. “OK, no interview today, but how about filming outside of her house?”

“It's more than my job's worth,” said Holyland. “Now if you wouldn't mind, you're causing an obstruction.”

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